Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I won't be mediocre anymore.
Having a family so strong in Christ is awesome but sometimes it's hard to match up to. I LOVE JESUS. There's no doubt about that. But sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough (don't get me wrong... I know I'm undeserving no matter what)... But I feel like a go-with-the-flow, American dream, church-go-er that talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk. It's hard because all three of my sisters have a faith in Christ that I admire and a relationship with him that I long for. My parents are an incredible example of what it means to live for God and my grandparents have lived a life of faithful servanthood to our Savior. That being said, I feel inadequate. I feel guilty that my husband has a normal job, we own a house, have a baby, have two cars, love sports and scrapbooking and do all the other "American dream" sort of things. I feel like instead of walking the path Christ has laid out for us we are just walking the path that society has laid out. We work (I at home and Eric at his job), we do laundry, make dinner, watch some sports on TV, try to figure out how to pay all our bills, play with our baby and go to bed (usually way too late). Oh, and when we lay down to bed we pray as we try not to nod off while squeezing God into the last few moments of our day. I know "life is busy" but it's just no excuse... Life is always busy. We want to have 4 kids! I'm going to have at least one baby in the house for like the next 10 years! (Lord willing) After that I'll have kids in school, pre-teens, high schoolers, graduations and college kids. Anyone I know that has kids in those stages will be quick to tell me that we have it easy right now. If you're reading this, please pray that the Lord will light a fire under our butts and draw us as close to him as we've ever been. It's so hard to have a close relationship with Christ when life gets predictable. PRAISE THE LORD for loving and forgiving my pathetic self!
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NICOLE!! Don't feel inadequate. If you were anything like me, Eric would be very disappointed. Just pray for God adventures. They will come out in your scrap booking. I happen to admire your life and how you are a not uptight about much!! God needs people like that!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Denise. I'm feeling better today. I guess I was just having one of those days... You know. I love you and thanks for the encouragement. (Although I really hope God will use me through more than my scrapbooking!)
ReplyDeleteLove seeing your passion, Nicole! Obviously, that's a gift from God and a work He has begun in you that He WILL be faithful to bring to completion (Php 1:6).
ReplyDeleteJust remember, it's never about what we do for the Lord, it's about what He's desiring to do in us. He'll use you, He IS using you. From what your mom tells me, you're a Titus 2:4-5 kind of woman. :) That's a beautiful thing!
Just try to let go of any preconceived ideas of how Him working in you should look because it's not going to look like anyone else. You're special and unique and valuable and God takes great pleasure in you right where you're at in your journey.
Ps. 147:10-11 The Lord doesn't take pleasure in how "strong a Christian" we are or what we do in our own power ("the strength of horses and the legs of men"), He takes pleasure in those who simply fear Him and trust in His steadfast love.
Love you,
Aunt Miriam