It's hard

Why is life so hard sometimes? Why are people so disappointing?

I'm not strong enough. I can't take it every day. Sometimes I'm too weak to even pray. Good thing God knows my heart.

I wonder if it ever gets better while we live here.

It must be really great in heaven.

God give me the words

Sometimes I just don't know what to say. I want to talk about God and be a witness to others but there are just no words. I feel inadequate and self-conscious. I wish I knew what to tell people so their hearts would be changed for Christ. I wish I always had the words. God is powerful and strong. He is loving and miraculous. He is incredible and the love of my life. I can't explain what his gifts can do to someones' life. He IS the beginning and the end. The alpha and the omega.

Yet I don't know what to say.

Words just aren't powerful enough. I feel emptied of words when it comes to God.

Freedom Writers

I think it's sad how in our society there are "throw-away people". What I mean is that there are people we think it would be too hard to help. Sometimes it's the alcoholic or drug addict. Sometimes it's the tenth homeless man begging for money you see on your way to a Tigers' game. Sometimes it's the orphan in another country. Sometimes it's the murderer on death row. The thing is, we all have some of that in each of us. As humans we are all sinful, hopeless and poor. Praise the Lord that He has rescued us from that. Here's a question: Say there are 3 homeless men that know each other and live on the streets together. They have lived on the streets together their whole lives and they all know what a terrible life it is and what each other struggles with every day. Now, one of the men gets a dollar as a hand out and buys a lotto ticket. He wins 20 million dollars. When he gets that 20 million he goes and buys a huge house, tons of great stuff and has a grand ole time because he has never had anything in his whole life. He gets plastic surgery, new teeth and a bunch of rich friends who don't know his past. He never talks to his 2 homeless friends again. He still knows what they are going through but chooses to forget them to go on to his new lifestyle. Do we judge him? I mean, he sounds like a pretty crappy friend to me. He sounds a little bit like me too though. I mean, I went from having nothing, being a crappy sinful human being with no love or salvation, to having the grace of God. Jesus Christ died for my salvation and I'm keeping it all to myself. I think a lot of us do that. Thanks Jesus for the gift... It's super! And then we just keep right on moving. We have more than we could ever ask or imagine and we still don't share it with others. We pick and choose who is good enough for the gospel and decide who needs to know. We would never say that but it's true. I'm going to try to be more open to God's calling this week. Who knows what could happen?! Maybe we could all do the same?

Gardening

One of my new hobbies is gardening. I love planting things and seeing them grow. New life is so beautiful. I have lovely gardens around my yard and they're almost all planted. I can't wait for the flowers and vegetables to all come up. I feel like a cute stay-at-home mom that loves to scrapbook and garden. (Maybe it sounds lame but I love it!) I can't wait to can and freeze the vegetables we don't eat and I especially can't wait for my zucchini to come up! I LOVE cooking with zucchini! I'm so thankful that God let us have a part in this miracle. Eric and I went out the other night and pruned back all of our trees. It was a lot of fun. We are really starting to love doing yard work and being outside together nurturing our gardens. It's such a joyful hobby.

I took a nap.

I couldn't stick with the plan.

Schedule

So I'm trying to get more on a schedule. Poor Eric has to get up at 6:00 every morning and I'm a total night owl. I could easily be up until 2:30am cleaning, working and doing projects every day. BUT that means my husband is exhausted (which is usually how it goes). Therefore I need to get to bed earlier. My plan of attack is to start waking up at 6:00 every morning with him and not taking a nap all day so I'm tired enough for bed at a reasonable time at night.

Right now I hate my plan.

My baby's eyes

Yesterday morning I went to a women's bible study on Esther with my mom. It was an awesome study with awesome women. After the bible study, a woman asked if she could hold Zechariah. As she was holding him she could not get over how precious he is. She kept saying that there was something different about his eyes. She said that they don't sparkle, they shine. After a little bit she realized what was so beautiful about them. She said "When I look into his eyes I see Jesus." She told him that God has a calling on his life and that "You can always tell when a baby is loved." She also said that he is filled with the Lord.

That's some pretty cool stuff to hear about your baby.

I love Jesus.

My Husband

Eric's a great guy. Pretty much anyone that knows Eric (at least in the time that I've known him), loves him. He's genuine, real, sweet and passionate. He's a great guy and a great person. Recently though, he's graduated to a new level of awesomeness. He's now more than just an awesome husband and father, he's becoming an amazing Christian. He believed before but he's now submersing himself in Christ and it's beautiful. He's becoming a spiritual leader in our home and is teaching me so much about the Lord. I am the most blessed woman in the world.

Belly Button Miracle

So I've been meaning to blog about this for a while now and I'm finally getting around to it. When Zechariah's umbilical stump fell off, the inside part of his belly button was sticking out (it kind of looked like an "outie"). It oozed stuff too. I didn't think anything of it and someone said it would go away so I didn't worry. At his 2 month appointment though it was still there so I asked the doctor if it was OK. He got a concerned look on his face when he saw it and he said it was an umbilical hernea and we needed to keep a close eye on it. He said if anything changed or if it turned red we needed to call him right away. Eek! That's scary for a mom.

Well, after that appointment I started keeping an eye on it. I had to come in a few days later for his shots because he wasn't quite two months for the first appointment. When I came in I showed the nurse that it was still oozing (I hadn't mentioned that to the doctor because I forgot) and asked her if that was bad. She said I needed to get an appointment right away. I came in the next day to see the doctor again and he said I needed to get an appointment with a pediatric surgeon. I got an appointment for the following Thursday. Two days later I went to change his diaper in the morning and the hernea was bright red (I think it was filled with blood). I called and told the nurse what it looked like and she put me on hold. When she got back on the phone she said the doctor said to come in right away. (Very scary!) Our doctor and another doctor looked at it and called the surgeon's office and got me an earlier appointment but it still wouldn't be until Tuesday.

Over the next few nights and into the weekend we spent a lot of time praying for his belly button to heal. It continued to look the same and we were scared. I was imagining my little baby with IVs in and a gas mask on for surgery and I could hardly handle the thought. On Saturday morning I changed his diaper and it was still unchanged. A few hours later I went to change his diaper and it was completely gone. COMPLETELY GONE! It wasn't going away, getting smaller or changing... It was just gone! God healed his belly button and was so gracious to do it quickly so we couldn't explain it in any other way. The nurse told me to keep my appointment with the surgeon so I went to see him. Here's how the conversation went:

"So, what's the problem here?"
"Well, he had an umbilical hernea but..."
"No he didn't."
"Well, he did but it's gone now."
"No he didn't. They don't just heal like that."
"Well I prayed and it did."
"Well, whatever. Either way, his belly button looks just like it should. It's perfectly healthy and there's nothing wrong with it."

Praise the Lord!

I told my doctor what happened and he said... "Power of prayer!" "You and I know what we saw." It's awesome to have a doctor who loves the Lord and believes in his unfailing power and promises.

Mother's Day

For my first mother's day presents Zechariah got me a picture frame with 8 pictures of him in it and Eric framed and matted (it took him 4 hours) a 20"x30" print of a close up of Zechariah's face. It was beautiful. I love my family.

My Tree

So I have this beautiful tree in my side yard. I don't know what kind it is but it looks a little like a weeping willow. It flowered only for a few days but it was the most beautiful sight! My friend Kim came over a few weeks ago and showed me that on the trunk of the tree a bunch of shoots were sprouting off and starting to grow and she told me that I need to prune those all away because they will suck the energy and nutrients from the top of the tree which will keep it from growing tall and healthy.

This thought and a sermon I heard last night got me thinking about how God prunes things away in our lives. It's different for everyone and sometimes we hold on to the dead clipping with everything we have. Sometimes it's excruciatingly painful and sometimes it's like bricks lifted from our shoulders. But it's always good. Sometimes it's God pruning away the dead shoots like sin, strongholds, evil thoughts and the like. Sometimes though, God is pruning away things that are good so we have more energy for His highest and best calling. Sometimes God prunes away money, jobs, people, hobbies, interests, activities or even ministries. He takes away the distractions so that all we have can go to completing our heavenly purpose.

I'm in a mom's bible study once a week and one of the things we've really been focusing on is simplifying life. Getting rid of the excess so we can focus on what God has for us. I'm trying to simplify my possessions. I don't need that box of clothes that is in the attic (none of which I've worn in at least a year) and we certainly don't need the boxes of DVDs and CDs that we will never watch or listen to again. I've simplified my activities a lot but all our "stuff" is next on the list. Time for more pruning! Bring it Lord! I will try to be ready! (I'm not sure if I should have said that but here goes!)

Ministry

I know God designed me for more. I know he designed me to do more than pass my afternoons away watching food network and perusing facebook. I know he designed me for more than shaking rattles, doing laundry and making dinner. It's not that any of these things are bad. And I'm sure there are times in life when that will be my highest calling. But right now I feel like there is more and I'm missing it. I just feel that there's a ministry that I'm not seeing. I wonder if said ministry is right in front of my face. Has God been showing me an opportunity this whole time and I'm missing it because I'm looking for something else? Or maybe there's some growth that needs to happen before it's revealed. I'm just not sure yet but whatever God has for me I'm going to try to be ready for it. I'm going to try not to stick my fingers in my ears and turn the other way if it's not what I want. I'm going to spend time praying and actually listening. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me. Praise the Lord because his plans are always best!

Beautiful Day

Well, today is a beautiful day. There's a lovely breeze running through my house and the sun is shining with all it's glory. There are a few clouds in the sky but just enough to make you want to lay on the ground and watch them and not enough to block the sun. The grass is green and our lawn is freshly mowed. I can hear birds chirping and the wind gently moving the trees. It's a beautiful day. Probably the most beautiful part of this day though, is the little boy taking a nap on the day bed behind me. He is gorgeous! He has soft, clear olive colored skin and long brown eyelashes that flutter as he dreams. He has dark, velvety hair that's thick and long in the back and gently caresses his neck. His lips are full, sweet and completely kissable and his nose could not be more perfect. God has used this little boy to add more joy to my life than I ever could have imagined and I love it! I want everyone to meet him so they can all know the joy this little child can bring. I LOVE being his mom. Praise the Lord for this beautiful day.

Lots of work!

So we bought a house about a month ago now and I can't believe how much work we've put into it! We spent a solid two weeks working on it before we even moved in (cleaning, spackling, sanding, priming, painting etc). Since then we've spent countless hours unpacking, putting on outlet covers, fixing the garage door, cleaning gutters, clearing out the yard and gardens, framing in a dishwasher, planting seeds, hanging pictures and doing anything else you can imagine. This week we decided to up the ante because we're sick of looking at unfinished stuff. We've been busting our butts and it's totally paying off! It's so nice to look around and not be completely stressed out by what we see. Tomorrow is the last day of the crazy efforts and we're going to try to be done by about 4 or 4:30 and I can't wait! It's going to be so nice to take a break. I can't wait for Sunday so we can celebrate the Sabbath by keeping it holy!!!!! AKA: Taking a day off to rejoice in the Lord and not work. I can't believe how much the Lord has blessed us. It's very humbling to see all that we have. I always thought that having nothing would be such a humbling feeling but I don't think I've ever been as humbled as I am right now. I guess now I realize that there is nothing I've done to deserve what I have and there's no way I can begin to thank the Lord for what He's given me. PRAISE THE LORD! His love truly is enough.

Cedar Point

So Nicole left her blog signed in. It's open now for mom to intervene. I must say that we had a blast at Cedar Point. Eric thought that it would be great if I wrote about this on her blog. It doesn't matter that Cedar Point isn't open yet. Other than that, I love that Nicole is my daughter, along with the other 3 awesome girls. God so blessed me with such wonderful women of God. All of which will be great mom's. Nicole has already showed her Christ centered ability to be a Mom after God's own heart. I pray often to be like it says in 1 Peter, a Godly woman that has a quiet and gentle spirit. The whole quiet thing, God is still working on in me, but I don't think God wants to take away my fun.
After raising 4 girls, I've inherited 2 sons and one grandson in a year and a half. Blessings continue to pour into my life in our family that I feel so humbled to be a part of it all.
Have fun following Nicole's blog.
Love you Nicole.
Mom

Ravioli

I'm at my mom's house today and we just spent all afternoon making homemade ravioli. It's the best! My grandma Aho used to make it when we were kids and we'd always look forward to it. We had it every time we visited. I feel kinda bad now that I know how much work it is because although we LOVED it, we never realized all the time and effort that went into making it. When I eat that ravioli it always brings me back to my grandma's kitchen. I can even remember her plates and glasses. It's amazing how many memories a simple thing like ravioli can bring back.

I won't be mediocre anymore.

Having a family so strong in Christ is awesome but sometimes it's hard to match up to. I LOVE JESUS. There's no doubt about that. But sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough (don't get me wrong... I know I'm undeserving no matter what)... But I feel like a go-with-the-flow, American dream, church-go-er that talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk. It's hard because all three of my sisters have a faith in Christ that I admire and a relationship with him that I long for. My parents are an incredible example of what it means to live for God and my grandparents have lived a life of faithful servanthood to our Savior. That being said, I feel inadequate. I feel guilty that my husband has a normal job, we own a house, have a baby, have two cars, love sports and scrapbooking and do all the other "American dream" sort of things. I feel like instead of walking the path Christ has laid out for us we are just walking the path that society has laid out. We work (I at home and Eric at his job), we do laundry, make dinner, watch some sports on TV, try to figure out how to pay all our bills, play with our baby and go to bed (usually way too late). Oh, and when we lay down to bed we pray as we try not to nod off while squeezing God into the last few moments of our day. I know "life is busy" but it's just no excuse... Life is always busy. We want to have 4 kids! I'm going to have at least one baby in the house for like the next 10 years! (Lord willing) After that I'll have kids in school, pre-teens, high schoolers, graduations and college kids. Anyone I know that has kids in those stages will be quick to tell me that we have it easy right now. If you're reading this, please pray that the Lord will light a fire under our butts and draw us as close to him as we've ever been. It's so hard to have a close relationship with Christ when life gets predictable. PRAISE THE LORD for loving and forgiving my pathetic self!

Eric's Birthday

It was fun celebrate Eric's birthday this year as parents. I think it made us appreciate the miracle of life more now that we've experienced it first hand. We had a great time. In the morning Eric and Zechariah got to sleep in a little bit. I made eggs, sausage and pancakes from scratch for breakfast. Yummo! Then we went down to Henry Ford museum for the day. We had a blast but I was terribly sick. I can't wait to go back to the museum when I'm not sick! While we were down there we got hot dogs (Eric got a Texas dog and I got a Chicago dog). After that we came home and were going to have a steak dinner but I forgot that we didn't have the grill set up so I skipped dinner and Eric had some eggs. Next we went to my parents house. We were going to have a bon fire but the lawn was too mushy so we didn't. Instead we watched some sports on TV and just hung out. I made a peanut butter cake frosted with peaunut butter and sour cream ganache. It was SO rich and delicious. Denise made apple cobbler too which was awesome. After dessert Eric opened his gifts (Zechariah got him a monster drink for the next time he keeps us up all night!) Happy Birthday Eric!!!

Love him!

Right now Angela is sitting in the living room with Zechariah and playing a little baby cd player toy for him. He keeps singing along to the songs. It's awesome! He's getting to be such a little chatterer. This morning my dad stopping by for a minute to pick up some tools he left here and he sat on the couch for a while and Zechariah just talked his ear off! It was neat to see them bond like that. I think he looks a lot like pictures of my dad as a boy. I think they have the same eyes.

TeeHee

Today my mom came over and was tickling Zechariah on his thighs... He LOVED it. He's laughed before but today was the first time that he just kept on doing it. He actually sounds like a boy already! His laugh was low and joyful. It was so sweet. I think the sound of his laugh is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard before.

I had to start a blog

because I looked over on the couch and saw my husband holding my son and talking about how much he loved him and it moved me so much I had to write it down. It's such an amazing thing to see the two men I love the most sitting together and looking so alike and knowing they both love me.

I guess that's the great thing about being a family.